Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Uncertainty. A demon defeated.

Uncertainty. It's the darkness staring back at us through the door frame... and we are often too afraid to walk through. We hesitate when we aren't sure of what's waiting for us on the other side. We turn around, ignoring our curious nature, ignoring the intrigue, ignoring the attraction to mystery and exploration. We turn around at times when perhaps we shouldn't have.

I'm guilty of closing doors before I have a chance to discover anything new. My immediate reaction is often that of regret and curiosity of "what may have been." I run, fast on my feet, avoiding the unknown. Two years ago, bored, unstimulated, and numb of my daily routine, I had a moment of spontaneity. I decided to take a blind leap and move across the country at a time that was both irresponsible and completely inconvenient. I had no money saved, no job lined up, no place to live and no plan. But I felt compelled. The uncertainty didn't phase me because I didn't take the time to think about my fears. I wasn't fearless by any means, I was most certainly afraid, but I didn't focus on the fear because I knew it would keep me from the freedom of discovery. I walked through the dark door frame and on the other side I found everything I was afraid of: loneliness, homelessness, poverty, and great responsibility. I told my thoughts to slow down so I could take a moment...

I looked up and remembered where I was...I was in the mountains. I made it. I held my arms out to hug the landscape. I made a promise to myself that day. I promised to conquer it all, regardless of uncertainty. I promised to myself that I would never turn away from an open doorway because of something so small and petty as "uncertainty." Because if I allowed uncertainty to consume me this time, I wouldn't have found myself surrounded by this inspirational beauty.

We are a very fortunate species. We possess the freedom to discover all that we want in our lives. Perhaps we have technology to thank for our jet set adventures, perhaps even without it we would have always found a way to embark on our journeys. Perhaps if we are passionate enough we can achieve true nobleness of character. True to ourselves, always. But we must take advantage of this incredible freedom because it embraces our nature and our spirit. The world can give us so much if we give it a chance.

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